| *sigh* i think it's too late.... |
[04 Aug 2008|12:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
I'm holdin' on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what'cha say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
Tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say...
That it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late,yeah....oh...
I take another chance
Take a fall
Take a shot from you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new...yeah
I loved you with a fire,red
Now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late....whoa....
It's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize....yeah....
I said it's too late to apologize...yeah...
I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground....
I see him all the fuckin' time.....I want us to be whole again....but I don't love him anymore. I still want us to work. I still want him to hold me and tell me I'm his.....but I don't want to settle and go back to what we had.....
We're "talking" and he has hope....part of me wants to wait for him to get his shit together and make it work, and the other part doesn't even want to talk to him anymore,but if I don't give him another chance,he'll be spiteful and vindictive....but then again,if I do,i might regret ever meeting him in the first place even more than I already do. *sigh....* I'm seriously thinking of breaking it to him that there's no chance....that it's too little too late,but i can't bring myself to do it. I wish all this were easier.....
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| bleh...meow....and all that good shtuff. |
[30 May 2006|11:18am] |
i know i haven't been updating my lj lately,but i'm going to start updating it more. basically what's going on now is i'm at home (i ditched) because of horrible cramps....and i just didn't wanna deal with school today. i'm getting ready to go pick up jesse (<33) so we can go fill out his paperwork and get his uniform at knott's and hopefully,since we're both employees,we'll go in for free and have fun at knott's until school's out! =D then i think we're gonna hang out with charly and chris. (our friends) you know....it's weird. i met chris through jesse,so i didn't even know him until about 5 months ago or so,but already he's my closest guy friend. it's crazy. but yeah.....i'm getting my license on june 9th (yay!!!) and i'm already working. i work as a waitress in Johnny Rocket's in knott's. it's a pretty new restaurant so i don't expect most people to know about it,but yeah. i guess i'll get back to getting ready to go pick up my baby. toodles!
- midget -
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| stupid bastard.... |
[15 Mar 2006|07:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"When A Dead Man Walks" - Lacuna Coil |
] |
why does he always have to remind me of him? why can't he just leave me the fuck alone?! *tear....* i hate him.....i hate him with a passion.....
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| hmm.... o_o;; |
[06 Dec 2005|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
yeah....i got my birth control pills today. i have to take birth control now so that my periods are less severe and more regular. hopefully it'll help out with my anemia too. i'm scared,though....what if i forget?
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| elishah's house |
[27 Nov 2005|11:08pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
] |
dude,the past 24 hours have been awesome. i spent almost the whole time (from 9:00 PM yesterday to 5:00 PM today) with my boyfriend,elishah. he's so wonderful!!!! =^-^= i was "spending the night at eve's" cuz i missed elishah and his parents said it was okay for me to stay the night,so i went. eve covered for me....and i owe her big!!! this past day has been,in my opinion,what makes life worth living. being with the people you care about and just being close to them,holding them and talking until the early morning....it's so awesome. and the most wonderful thing in the world is to fall asleep in the arms of someone special and wake up and their face be the first thing you see.....it just makes you feel so happy. i didn't think it'd be possible.....but i think i've finally found someone who can make me feel whole again. well,the plan for the night was for me,him,his older brother,and his brother's friend to all hang out,but his brother's friend ended up never showing up and his brother (micah) left with his girlfriend,so elishah and i had a lot of time to just spend alone talking and just laying there in each other's arms.....i felt so happy and safe and like things were right again,and even though it was only for a short time,it was absolutely worth it. i'm so glad i went. i almost got caught,though....keyword: ALMOST. oh,and we didn't go to sleep until like 6 in the morning!! lol....so yeah...i think i'm starting to fall for him....hard. i'm so happy,but at the same time i'm scared. heh....last night before we fell asleep i said one of the stupidest things ever. i said "please don't hurt me." just out of like nowhere. lol. it kinda made it more serious,but whatever. yeah,basically i just wanted to rant about what a wonderful night i had. take care all! <3 =^-^=
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| thanksgiving.....psh! |
[24 Nov 2005|04:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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melancholy |
] |
yeah....this year sucks!!!!!!
first of all,i can't do half the shit i planned to do on break cuz my mom won't let me!!!!!
secondly,thanksgiving and the whole holiday season in general is fucked up this year,at least from the family aspect.....
this is the first year without my grandmother....she raised me....she was my true mother....and this holiday season is going to be so hard without her home-made pies for thanksgiving that she spent all of the night before and all day making or her smiling face singing christmas carols with us...or even just her soothing,matriarchial presense. i miss her so much......
then there's the fact that my family wants nothing to do with us this holiday season. let me elaborate...
okay,well,my uncle (mom's brother) and my auntie julie are getting a divorce and we'd always go over to aunt kathy's for thanksgiving,which is auntie julie's sister. so,the family whose house we went to every thanksgiving was only related by marriage,even though they felt like blood,at least to me. but now that my aunt and uncle are getting divorced,they didn't invite us over to their house this year,and it's not like we're going to impose and just show up or anything,so yeah...no thanksgiving with the family. and that sucks because that's the ONLY time i EVER got to see the whole family and it was just such a bonding experience to me....it was so happy...it used to be my favorite holiday. not anymore. and then on christmas we always have my uncle,aunt,and cousins over.....and this year they're going to arizona for christmas....my family's completely abandoning me,my mom,and my siblings this year!!! it sucks!!!! i mean,i'm at the point of whenever i hear anything having to do with celebrating the holiday season or anything,i wanna punch something! this is for a specific reason.....because of a promise. before my grandmother died,she made me make a promise to her. that when she was gone,i'd make sure the family didn't fall apart. she was the thing that kept us together....and when she died,it would be my job to keep us together. and now....everything's falling apart and it's just so hard for me because i feel like i'm not living up to what my grandmother set me to do! i feel like i'm letting her down.....and i love her more than anything and to feel that you're letting down the most important person ever to you....even just disgraces their memory by not fulfilling your word,is horrible!!!!! ugh....i've been trying so hard to keep us from falling apart,but it seems no matter what i do,it never works....i don't know how she did it....she was so amazing! *sigh* i'm done ranting now....
anyways,sorry about that. happy thanksgiving all. eat a lot,get fat,and have fun!
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| mom.....sucks!!!!! |
[23 Nov 2005|12:13pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
i can't do anything...................
god,i fuckin' hate her!!!!!!!
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| freedom! |
[07 Nov 2005|05:34pm] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
me and kip broke up on thursday....and i'm REALLY relieved. i feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders and it feels great! i mean,i feel bad for breaking up with him....but it was like i had to solve all his problems for him and take care of him....like i had to be his mom or something and his girlfriend and his best friend all at the same time,and i just couldn't do it anymore. i broke up with him the day before it would've been 3 months. we're still friends,though,so yay!
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| stolen from jenny! |
[21 Oct 2005|12:53pm] |
BOLD ALL THAT APPLY
001. i SHOP AT HOT TOPiC.
002. i HATE HOLLiSTER.
003. i'M ON CRACK.
004. i CUT MYSELF.
005. i LOVE BOYS.
006. i'D DiE WiTHOUT MY FRiENDS.
007. i GO TO A PREP SCHOOL.
008. i'M A VERY HAPPY PERSON.(Depending on who I'm with..)
009. i SWEAR ALL THE TiME.
010. i LOVE THE COLOR ORANGE.
011. i HATE SCARY MOViES.
012. i THiNK i'M THE SHiT.
013. i HATE PEOPLE WHO THiNK THAT THEY'RE THE SHiT.
014. i HAVE MORE THAN TEN FRiENDS.
015. i NEED MY FRiENDS.
016. i GET ALONG WiTH MY FRiENDS.
017. i AM SPOiLED.
018. i THiNK my friends are AWESOME.
019. i LOVE LAGUNA BEACHH.
020. i SHOP AT AEROPOSTALE.
021. i KNOW HOW TO SWiM.
022. i PLAY THE PiANO.
023. i HAVE BiTCHED SOMEONE OUT iN THE LAST DAY.
024. i'M SOO BORED.
025. i NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK.
026. i HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE RiGHT NOW.
027. i THiNK THAT ANGELiNA JOLiE iS A WHORE.
028. i KNOW A WHORE.
029. i HAVE A FRiEND NAMED LAURA.
030. i CAN PLAY SOCCER.
031. i CAN RUN A MiLE UNDER TEN MiNUTES.
032. i LOVE FRENCH FRiES.
033. i HAVE A CLiQUE.
034. i STRAiGHTEN MY HAiR EVERYDAY.
035. i HAVE MORE THAN FiVE GUY FRiENDS.
036. i LiKE THE COLOR BLACK.
037. i HAVE COMMENTED SOCALiTE_SURVEYSz.
038. i HAVE A TRACKER ON MY SiTE.
039. i HATE SURVEYS.
040. i LiKE THE RAiN.
041. i PREFER SUNSHiNE THOUGH.
042. i LOVE SKATERS.
043. i SAY GHETTO FABULOUS.
044. i HAVE BEEN ON AN AiRPLANE.
045. i SAW THE BREAKFAST CLUB.
046. i WATCH THE LiFETiME CHANNEL.
047. i THiNK MTV SUCKS.
048. i LOVE RAP MUSiC.
049. i EAT 24/7.
050. i LOVE TAKiNG WALKS.
01. Brad
02. Krista
03. Eve
04. Nikki
05. Jenny
06. Iah
07. Heather
08. Holly
09. Joanna
10. Mark
BOLD THESE iF THEY'RE TRUE
01. #1 HAS A BOYFRiEND/GiRLFRiEND.
02. i'VE GOTTEN iN A FiGHT WiTH #9.
03. #10 iS SLOW.
04. #8 LOVESLAGUNA BEACH.
05. #10 HATES #1.
06. #2 iS A CAMERA WHORE.
07. #10 HAS HAD MORE THAN FiVE BOY/GiRL FRiENDS.
08. #9 HAS A CAR.
09. i HATE #8.
10. #1 iS PERFECT.
11. #2 iS CRAZZZYYY.
12. #9 iS A GOTH.
13. #5 iS A NERD.
14. #10 iS FLiRTYY.
15. #7 MADE OUT WiTH SOMEONE ON THE LiST.
16. #3 iS REALLY FUNNY.
17. #9 HAS A LOT OF SHOES.
18. i LOVE #1.
19. #5 iS SPOiLED.
20. #6 iS A SLUT. (iah....ALVAREZ!!!! xD)
21. #2 LOVE THE YANKEES.
22. #4 iS REALLY STUPiD.
23. #5 iS ALWAYS HYPER.
24. #3 LOVES SOCCER.
25. #6 HATES #4.
26. #2 iS MY BESTEST FRiEND EVER.
27. #8 LAUGHS ALL THE TiME.
28. #7 iS A PREP.
29. #4 GOES TO MY SCHOOL.
30. #10 HAS THROWN A PARTY.
31. #3 iS A BiTCH. (inside joke,people!)
32. #6'S FAVORiTE COLOR iS BLACK.
33. #8 STARTS A LOT OF DRAMA.
34. #2 iS A TEASE.
35. #4 iS A WHORE
36. i'VE KNOWN #2 FOR MORE THAN FiVE YEARS.
37. #6 HAS A LOT OF MAGAZiNES.
38. i HAVE #7'S CELL NUMBER.
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[21 Oct 2005|11:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Birthday Massacre - "Violet" |
] |
i'm gonna have so much damn homework!!! grrr.... i was sick friday,went to school monday,got sick in 5th period,so i went home,and have been home ever since.....grr...although,today i was just tired and had a headache,so i made my mom believe i was still sick,so i could sleep it...heh heh...
my mom talked to my dad not too long ago....i'm glad. she needs to. it's good for her to. that's the man that she fell in love with (for what reasons,i'll never know) and had a family with - he means a lot to her,so i'm glad he showed he gave a shit about her at least a little bit. apparently,though...the only reason he doesn't come back is because i don't want him here and he doesn't want me running away or something. bullshit. he's starting another life over there! he's telling my mom he's "getting help and putting his life back together" but i feel sorry for the gullible,naive woman. i already know he's probably got a girlfriend or something over there,if not more serious. i wonder if he even has other children? but he's getting a home and a career over in el paso. why would he come back? so he can deal with children that hate him and a nagging wife? hell no! he's gonna stay where he's got it made - in el paso. where all he has to do is say "carlos,oh brother of mine,i need $50!" and it's handed to him on a silver tray! ugh....he pisses me off....
kip has redeemed himself somewhat....this whole time that i've been sick he's been coming over after school and making sure i'm okay. he's been taking care of me and i think it's really sweet. his redeeming line : "i don't want anything bad to happen to you....you're special and i really care about you. if something happened to you,i'd have no reason to continue trying to make my life worth shit." it sounds kinda weird,but at the same time sweet,you know? we're coming up on 3 months on the 4th....yay! and he's doing better in school because i've been tutoring him....he now has a C or a B in all his classes,instead of F's!!!!!! both his mom and i are so proud of him! and he's little by little quitting drugs (yay! =^-^=) and i know he is and not just telling me so because he gets tested mondays and thursdays and his mom shares the results with me. i'm so proud of him....he's really turning his life around.
anyways,i'm in a pretty decent mood,so i'll discontinue my ranting for now.
~*~Midget~*~
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| grr!!! |
[14 Oct 2005|03:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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aggravated |
] |
ugh...my mom's pissing me off!!! today i didn't go to school cuz i was feeling sick....so she's convinced that i'm really sick and everything. and i slept until 1:30 this afternoon and when i woke up,i was feeling quite a bit better. and since then i've been slowly feeling better. tonight i'd been planning to go out with kip and my friends eve and nikki,but my mom's all like "if you're too sick to go to school,you're too sick to go anywhere else." it's like "grr!!!! haven't you ever heard of anyone feeling better?! god!!! i mean,i haven't seen nikki in weeks.....i miss her!!!! she went to arizona to go see some family and just got back yesterday afternoon. and now my mom's being a bitch and not letting me go anywhere. she would if she was able to go places. she's just getting anal about me and my siblings going anywhere cuz she can't go anywhere! grr.....she pisses me off so much sometimes....
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[12 Oct 2005|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cynical |
] |
i wanna forget all my problems.....sleep my life away,get fucked up.....something - ANYTHING! - to forget it all....bleh.
oh,and my mom just had surgery on her knee yesterday,which means she won't be able to drive or anything for at least 3 weeks. that sucks butt.....and i need to hurry up and get a fuckin' job. i need money....badly. bleh. .__.
anyways,the daily bitching is done. have a nice day,all!
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[10 Oct 2005|10:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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thirsty |
] |
iah: what would you do if briana broke up with you?
kip: it wouldn't really bother me.
iah: what the fuck? why not?!
kip: yeah...i mean,i might feel bad for a day or two,but i'd just get drunk,get laid,and get over it.
iah: dude,that's fucked up.
kip: well,i don't give anything to anybody for a reason. so i won't get attatched to them. if i don't get attatched,it doesn't hurt if they leave.
this while i was sitting right next to him....he had his arm wrapped around me and everything.....i donno....it just made me feel like shit....
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| hamena-hemena-hame-hum! |
[04 Oct 2005|09:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
grr....myspace is pissing me off right now SO much!!! i wanna kill tom with a mallet with sharp metal objects and hooks attatched to it....might be fun,no?!
bleh...life sucks ass right now and all i can say is drama,drama,drama....with my family,friends,boyfriend,everything. bleh...meow.
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[29 Sep 2005|08:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 distressed |
] |
what do you do when the world caves in on your shoulders? you try and you try to help people out,but they don't have enough self-respect to take care of themselves. you want to solve their problems,but you can't. you miss the people who raised you. you only wish that you could be as good as them. how can you respect someone who will lick your boots?
i'm going through a very emotional time in my life right now.....so,sorry if my journaln entries are all emo abnd shit. now that i am NOT EMO!!!! but there's a lotta dramam.... =^-^='
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| grr... |
[20 Sep 2005|10:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 horny |
] |
i'm horny.....
grar.....
god,i need a fuck buddy.... ._.;;
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[20 Sep 2005|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Birthday Massacre - "Play Dead" |
] |
well....today was just a normal day at school. which kinda sucks. but today was alright,actually! i met this new chick at school named Lorena....she's pretty kickass. she's a friend of eve's and she's just started going to downey because she got kicked out of warren. lol. it was raining almost all day today,which was kickass. i love the rain. and the weird thing is i wasn't even cold. i usually get cold really easily,but lately i just haven't been getting cold. i'm all excited about this weekend. saturday morning i start driving school. yay! hopefully i'll have my permit in about a month and a half's time or so and then pretty soon after,i'll be getting my car. yay!!!!! then either saturday evening or sunday evening i'm going to go see corpse bride with my cousins heather and joanna and heather's boyfriend. yay!!!! hopefully it's saturday because if it's sunday i don't know if i'll be able to go because i have to go hang out with jenny and krista on sunday since it's jenny's birthday on saturday. n.n at least,i think it's sunday we're supposed to hang out o_o;; oi...now that i think about it,i don't know what's going on this weekend! lol. so much is supposed to happen! but yeah....i'm gonna get jenny the evanescence songbook for fallen on piano. n.n she's been wanting it,so i figured it'd be a good birthday present,ney? so yeah....that's basically what's going on. now it's off to face the fearful monster that is homework....oi....
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| meow |
[19 Sep 2005|01:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
well,i now have a livejournal....god,i have so many online journals! x.X;; and krista's to blame for this one. lol. <3 that is all for now.
kitties have 6 nipples......i wonder how people would look with 6 nipples..... o___o;;
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fatal_zariel's journal